Johnny's diary
by python is good
Summary: The diary entries that document Johnny's transformation from an quiet outcast to a madman.
1. Chapter 1

a/n: okay, so the first entry's pretty overt and ruins the psychological drama, but it's Johnny's first entry oh, and the third entry is written strangely because he's on a jittery bus

August 29th 1988

Dear Diary,

My name is Johnny Chavez and this is my first entry.

I am fourteen years old, but I'm going to be fifteen in November. I live in Los Angeles with my mother who is currently at work. Tomorrow, we plan on going back-to-school shopping. I hope I make some friends this year cos I never really had the courage to be sociable in middle school. Mainly because the kids hated me, but let's not get into that now.

September 1st 1988

Time: 1: 00 A.M.

Dear Diary,

Well, today's the day, my first day of High School! I talked to my cousin who's in New Hampshire. He's a sophomore and says that it's actually rather easier in that they cut you some slack. I'm gonna be wearing a black and white striped sweater and dark formal pants for the first day. I really hope that no one tries to harass me on the bus.

Time: 7:50 A.M.

Dear Diary,

I.. Am.. On.. the b-us.. as you can tell.. So far, no one's laughed at me, at least anyone that I know of because I'm listening to classical music wearing headphones.


	2. Chapter 2

a/n: the song titles used belong to the Ramones

September 1st 4:30 P.M.

Dear Diary,

Well, (I say well a lot don't I?) no one laughed at me today, but I did get some strange looks from the popular girls in tenth grade (or the "Glamour Girls" as they're called)

I also had a brief conversation with a boy named Phlegm. Actually, his name is Ryan, but he really dislikes that name and wants to change it officially to Phlegm. When he told his mother this, she wasn't amused. He's into punk rock, especially the Sex Pistols. I told him that I 'm not into modern music and prefer classical composers, my favorite's Beethoven. He said he thought that was cool ,but he was going to bring a tape of Ramones songs to see if I liked them

September 2nd

I'm listening to the Ramones right now on my boom box and my god, they're fantastic! They're fast, exciting, and really energetic. My favorites so far are Teenage Lobotomy, Now I Wanna Sniff some Glue, Pinhead, and Go Mental. Every time another song finishes, I just want more! I hope Phlegm introduces me to some more bands like this.

September 3rd

Dear Diary,

Today I had my first run in with a Glamour Girl. She was with her boyfriend who as it turns out doesn't actually play on a football team or anything, but is rather participates in chess tournaments. Anyway, they were sitting by on the giant window sill in the cafeteria and when I walked by, they scanned me as if they were both the terminator and the made disgusted faces. I felt hurt by this, but knew that it was better to ignore them rather than get into a confrontation


	3. Chapter 3

a/n: Aww crap, I forgot that Johnny, Phlegm, D-boys, and Nailbunny belong to Jhonen. And yes, Johnny's going to go through his angry punk phase soon. Fun, eh?

September 4th 10:30 P.M.

Dear Diary,

Something very strange happened to my mother today. I came home to find her on the phone looking extremely worried and then she muttered "Oh no, really? Can't you threaten with a counter-suit?"

Once she hung up the phone, I asked her what was wrong. She just sighed saying that it was about my father and how he was trying to gain custody of me.

My parents divorced when I was nine and the reason is a rather long story that I don't feel like recounting right now, so I'll be turning in for the night.

September 5th

Dear Diary,

I'm in math class right now writing in this because I finished the assignment we were supposed to do. There was a new kid on the bus today; he was rather tall and looked very, well, Goth. He had long shoulder length black hair that covered most of his powdered face and wore a netted sleeveless shirt. He also had tight black pants with chains on them. However, the coolest thing that he had on were these combat boots with steel tips on them. I wish that I had enough money to get some!

12:00 P.M.

I'm sitting with Phlegm today and he's just introduced me to the guy with the cool boots. His name is Jim and he's a sophomore too. Though, technically he's supposed to be in a Junior, but he got kicked out of here in ninth grade for smoking and finished up at another school. He tried to complete the tenth grade there too, but ended up having to take it over again and decided to re apply here. Jim and Phlegm have been friends for years and seem to be eager to have me join their little group.

End note: Sorry for the dullness, It'll get interesting the next chapter. I promise


	4. Chapter 4

a/n: Hot topic did start in California in 1988

Chapter 4

September 6th

Dear Diary,

Guess what? I got invited to a goth club on Saturday night! I asked my mother if I could go and she said yes!

11:30 P.M.

The goth club wasn't great. Everyone seemed so full of themselves there, even Phlegm and Jim turned into snobs. For example, the following is a very brief exchange I had with a very lovely looking girl who was about my age.

Me: Hi, what's your name?

Girl: (looking rather skeptical) Jess, are you new here?

Me: Yeah, my friends brought me.

Girl: (scans me up and down as if to see if I had the "proper goth attire") Hmm, where's your shirt from?

Me: Well, I got it from Hot topic two months ago and-

Girl: (clucks her tongue in disbelief) Hot Topic! Oh please, only poseurs shop there

Me: (stammering) B-but.. I-

Girl: But what? Look at yourself! (points to combat boots) the boots! How stereotypical! And that Cure shirt! Do you even like the Cure? Do you!

Me: Actually, Yes I do, so why are you judging me?

(at this point, I back away from her just as she begins to launch another rant at me.)

Alas, so much for trying to socialize

September 11th

I told Phlegm and Jim about how I felt they were distant from me at the club and they apologized for it, I think.

To tell the truth, I'm getting a little weary of hanging around with Phlegm and Jim. I 'd like to meet some other people, perhaps even get a girlfriend.

a/n: note: try to spot the instances of foreshadowing! I'll give y'all a trip to Vegas.. okay, not really.. anyway, I'll just say that the next installment involves Johnny gaining another friend, but also failing miserably at the same time. What do I mean by that? Find out!


	5. Chapter 5

September 16th

Dear Diary,

Last night, I had a dream about myself at the age of seven. Well, it was actually a flashback. You see, there was this incident in elementary school that caused my mother to decide that I needed to see a psychologist for a while ( although the sessions actually lasted for only a few months) In my dream, I was a small second grader with wispy black hair and a very slender frame. I was eating a peanut butter and banana sandwich that my mother had packed for me in my Sesame Street lunchbox when suddenly, Terry Anderson, a very pudgy fifth grader and school bully approached the table in the corner, isolated from the rest of the student body. I just knew he was going to do something to make my life even more miserable. (What can I say? My parents were going through a divorce)

Then, in a feeble attempt to defend myself, I put on my best sneer and snarled, "Go away, Pig-boy." (Pig-boy was my personal nickname for him) He just grinned at this, very amused by my weak insult and immediately grabbed my head and thrust it against the back of the chair. Pain surged through my head as I felt my eyes water and my small ears throbbing from the echoing of Terry's evil cackle. When I came to a few nanoseconds later, there was this strange voice in my head (or so it seemed) that whispered _"Get scissors." _ Somehow, my developing mind interpreted this sentence to mean that I should get revenge, so I slowly toddled down to the art room and grabbed a pair of scissors when the teacher wasn't looking. I made it back to the cafeteria without anybody seeing me possessing them and then spotted Terry and his stupid chums sitting in my spot. I'm sure that you can guess what happened next, no? Yes, I raced up to him and jammed the scissors at his face at the exact same time the lunchroom teacher grasped my arm. My mother was called, a meeting was held and they signed me up for psychology sessions which I hated.

The doctor bombarded me with questions and seemed to think I was a real head case when I tried to tell him that I honestly didn't know what had come over me. However, he won in the end and I ended up taking medicine that didn't work because I was perfectly normal after the incident.

Why do I bring this up? Well, I've been getting that angry feeling once again. I don't know why, I haven't talked to my mother about it because I don't want a psychologist trying to make a big deal out of it.

September 20th

Dear Diary,

Sorry that I haven't written for a few days, but something terrible happened at school. It was after lunch and everyone was heading back to class when two teachers rushed through the hall carrying a beaten up student by the arms. Many tried to follow them, but the remaining teachers herded them into their classes, except for me. The victim looked like Jim, so I decided to head down to the nurse's office to investigate.

It turned out that it was him and that the culprit and he got suspended.

Here's the story he told me on the phone after school:

He was sitting by himself drawing trees and flowers while sitting on the big hill behind the school when he felt something wet hit the back of his neck. He turned and saw a member of our school's track team (we'll call him Josh) grinning and holding a straw. It was a spitball! His girlfriend, one of the "Glamour Girls" (I think her name is Tessa) sat beside him and burst into a fit of giggles.

Now, James is usually a pacifist, but this time he couldn't take this sitting down, so he stood up and walked right over to Josh. He slowly raised his foot to kick him in the mouth, but Josh leaped on him and managed to punch his nose and harshly scratch both of his shoulders before James actually gave him a swift kick in the mouth.

I couldn't believe it: Josh seemed like a quiet kid and never seemed to be mean to anybody. In fact, we don't really have a resident "bully" at our school, unless you count the glamour girls, but everyone just ignores their smart ass remarks. Oh sure, there's cliques of Punks, Goths, what have you and there's the occasional bad mouthing among those groups, but we don't really have a resident Mr. or Mrs. Popularity.

September 25th

Have you ever fantasized about doing something wrong, like murdering someone? I have ever since I went to see this amazing movie called "Henry: Portrait of a Serial killer" with Jim and Phlegm. It's about this murderer in Chicago who lives with his friend Otis and his sister. He eventually gets his friend to participate in his murders. The movie was actually released last year, but a small theatre here in town is still playing it. We all thought it was a good movie, not because of Henry murdering people, but because of the characters. However, and I know this sounds crazy, I can't help but be interested in what would happen if I killed a person.. anyone. I suppose Josh would be a good start: I could just see myself throwing him to the ground, kicking him and slashing his face with a knife

Fuck, I told you I've been having that voice in my head again. I wanna get it out, but at the same time, I don't want it to leave.


	6. Chapter 6

A/n: the lyric used here belongs to the Violent Femmes.

_How can I explain personal pain?- The Violent Femmes_

October 1st

You're probably wondering why it's been so long. Well, my mother found my diary.

She didn't mean to, she just happened upon it and saw the part where I thought of murdering Josh. We had a long talk about this; I was extremely stubborn at first , but then I told her how I had been feeling for the past month; sometimes I had been feeling manic while at other times I had felt rational and calm. It was as if I had a multiple personality disorder, in fact, I swear that voices were speaking to me in my head; different voices. One was angry, amoral, and depressing while the other was somewhat pessimistic, but also a voice of reason. Mind you, these voices appeared in my dreams unlike the usual schizophrenics you've heard about. My mother was stunned of course, yet she had this strange ability to keep calm. She told me to sit on the couch while she went to the kitchen to call the school. The principal, Mrs. Brunswick, said that she hadn't seen me in her office or anything and then asked if Mother had found anything in my diary that resembled a "hit list". Mother only replied that I had contemplated the idea of killing Josh. By then, the conversation was only white noise to my eardrums; I could slowly feel my sanity slip away, drop by drop.

10:30 P.M.

So, I've been out of school for a week and I've returned to the same psychologist that I had at age seven and you know what? It's not so bad, well, at least the waiting room portion isn't and I'll tell you why. There's this slender, pale girl with long black hair (you know, one of those goth types) that has appointments there too. She seems rather antisocial and only smiled at me once, but god, is she beautiful, even if she seems to be a year younger than me.

October 2nd

7:00 P.M.

Guess what, diary? I finally got the nerve to talk to that girl! Her name is Raven and she actually goes to my school. She's a sophomore. We talked for a few minutes, but she seems rather…aloof. I don't know, I'll try to look for her whenever I get back to school.

October 3rd

11:30 A.M.

Yes! She agreed to meet me at the 24/7 and get a brainfreezy! YESS!

3:30 P.M.

Our outing went well. It turns out she was quiet at the psychologists because she was nervous which is understandable. Anyway, we told each other stories about getting in trouble and getting picked on. I did tell her that story about me at age seven and the scissors. She told me about when she was in eighth grade, she came to school wearing a shirt that read: _Atheist, amoral and proud of it_! The best part was when a Christian girl read it and burst into tears! She explained that she didn't know that someone would be offended, but got detention anyway! I couldn't believe it. God, I love Raven, I really do. I hope that if we both overcome our problems, we can get married and get away from this damn city. I fucking hate L.A. I wanna go with her to New York City or London. We could get jobs as abstract artists or something. She did tell me she liked Andy Warhol.

October 6th

My mother let Raven come over to our house today. I showed her my paintings that I've done and she really liked them. We then both listened to The Ramones and then The Cure while we talked.

Oh, and she also gave me a cd of a composer named Bach, she said it was her favorite musician ever. I'm listening to it right now, it's really good

After she left, my mom and I talked about how I feel about her. The conversation went something like this:

Mom: Raven is a nice girl, isn't she?

Me: (smiling dreamily) Yeah, she sure is.

Mom: Johnny, I think you're in love with her

Me: What's wrong with that?

Mom: Well, she just might not feel the same way about you?

Me: What do you mean?

Mom: Well, I'm sure she likes you?

Me: Yeah, she does, mom, she really does.

Mom: Okay, but she may not be in love with you. Do you understand?

Me: I think so, but what should I do?

Mom: Just try to like her as a friend for now, okay? See where I goes.

I think that's good advice, but I don't know if I can get over my strong feelings which makes me worried: What if she does have a boyfriend? What then? What if my violent thoughts kick in and- no! I can't let that happen!


	7. Chapter 7

a/n: the bad grammar used here is only to enhance Jim's drunken state

October 16th

I was in Raven's room today and she told me that she wouldn't be in town for my birthday, so she decided to give my present early and boy, is it ever odd! It's one of those Burger diner mascots; you may've heard 'em referred to as "Bob's big boy" It's usually huge and looks a little too happy. This one doesn't even look jolly; it looks psychotic. I still think it's cool though. By the way, the medication we got from the psychiatrist my psychologist recommended are working real well. I don't hear any creepy, soft voices much nowadays. I hope it stays that way.

November 1st

"Hey, Johnny." A familiar voice drunkenly chuckled. I can still here the slurring high pitched giggle in my ears. It was a Saturday night and I was out for a walk because I had nothing better to do. Around here, it's also a perfect time for the rich kids and the homeless outcasts to get drunk and fool around like jackasses. October 31st, Halloween, was no exception. I turned around to see Jim, dressed in his normal "goth" attire, but slowly swaying from side to side, as if trying to keep his balance.

"H-Hi Jim." I muttered, feeling uneasy about seeing him in this state. He had never, ever had a drink of alcohol in his life and had always looked down upon drunk people.

"I gotta ask youz someithn.."

"yeah?"

"Are you a fag?" he asked with a slur. This caused the other sharply dressed teens behind him to convulse into high pitched laughter mixed with little hiccups.

"No, and even if I was, what'd be wrong with that?"

Jim's mouth dropped wide open. "Dude, you have sex with guys!"

"No," I replied slowly backing away, "I don't,"

I began to walk away as I watched Jim standing there teetering from side to side. . I took a few more steps back, still keeping my eye on him. When I was about three feet away, I finally turned my back on him and began to run home. After a few minutes, I heard a number heavy footsteps behind me and I knew that it had to be Jim. I began to run faster and faster, but Jim finally tackled me and began pounding me in the stomach while the others cheered him on. I was helpless; my limbs wanted to kick and punch him, but my nerves were frazzled and dead. Or so it seemed because something odd happened a few minutes later. The voices had broken into my mind and were demanding that I destroy him in any manner possible. Then, I lunged for his throat as if I was possessed by some demon and pinned him down as I reached for the pocket knife that I usually carry and- well, I can't really remember what happened after that. All I remember is waking up in a hospital room alone. When I looked at my hands, I saw very faint blood droplets.

I apparently cried for help because in less then a second, a doctor with brown hair and glasses came in and comforted me. He told me that a woman living nearby the street I met Jim and called the paramedics when she saw me passed out and unconscious along with him on the ground twitching with a brutally mangled arm. I then felt a painful lurch in my stomach: was I the one who had slashed his arm? It was certainly possible, but the only real thing I could do now was sleep and wait and see.

2:00 A.M. Part 2 of my story

I awoke to hear that Jim was in critical condition: they were going to have to amputate his arm, but it was still a possibility that he'd die due to blood loss. I wanted to see him, but the nurse told me that he didn't want any visitors. My mother then arrived to visit and was relieved to see that I was alive. I told her about how Jim tried to beat me up, but didn't tell her about my attempt to murder.

The next morning, I found out that Jim had died overnight which made me even more paranoid. Later, I snuck out my room and called Phlegm. I told him that I'd explain everything once he picked me up.. On the way, we stopped by Raven's home to say goodbye, but she wasn't home. I hope she wasn't upset about the note we left. He took me to his house on Winston Avenue where he let me sleep in his messy, but livable guest room.

November 2nd

So here I sit at Phlegm's house on my bed with the room's door closed in case the police come looking for me or if I get the voices in my brain again. I'm very on edge right now and I want to stop writing.


	8. Epilogue

Epilogue:

November 13th

Dear Diary, I killed Phlegm: the rat bastard was using heroin behind my back! I'm still living in the shitty house without a job or money. At least he had the decency to buy us fresh food before he met his demise. I wonder if my mother's totally distraught over me; she didn't really seem to care either way. I should call her.

November 16th

I went out to get a baby rabbit today and nailed it to the wall in a fit of madness. Why? I don't know! Diary, you're the only place where I can really be sane. I suppose that's why I killed the damned thing; it's the other object that represents the sane side of me, besides you. Christ, it's like there's another insane teenager living here! I really need to get help, but my body doesn't want to go out. I've become a slave to my own mind and there's no way out.

THE END


End file.
